I think this needs to be said here, in all places.
I'm lonely.
I still love Spiro, but I've been lonely for so long now.
Funny how, when we both wrote in here, it was one of the happiest times in my life.
And now that we don't...I've become lonelier. 
I can't deal with this loneliness anymore.
So, I'm going to talk to him, but, I'm not sure if I can keep going.
I need a break.

Just a quick little thing - I still have no idea about being a girlfriend.
It's a weird word to start off with, I mean, I always feel awkward saying "Hi, I'm Luke's girlfriend."
I don't feel like a girlfriend, just someone who loves my guy with all her heart. Maybe because the word girl is in it, and I don't want to just play the 'girl' I want to be me!
Although, the term "partners in crime" works. We are partners, I am equal to him as he is equal to me. We both have a say in our companionship. It doesn't have any limits expect the ones we put there. I love Luke, and I don't give a damn about what people think about that, ok so maybe I'm weak and I do a little. I'm working on it, hey I'm still young, I have a whole life to live.
So, that's my quick bit.

I'm sick, still. I feel like I've been sick forever. I just have different things wrong with me every time we figure things out a little, something else happens

Oh well.

I'm being weird, as always. But anyway. I'm going to be a Jr nest year. Funny, I started this when I was first going into high school, now I'm half way done. On the other hand, my other journal I've had sense middle school and it's still not done yet. Ah la la, I'm rather bad at keeping up with things.

But anyway, I wonder, what does the next two years have in store for me? I saw Abby and Kedar the other day and they we're both the same but not. I mean, they look different, and sure, some things have changed but, their very much the same in the basic - He's Kedar and She's Abby. Not making sense am I? Oh well, this is for me.

…late is one of the most amazing things in the world. I hate dislike going to bed early – tis no fun.

Are you wondering why I crossed out hate?

I don’t hate – at all. I can not remember any time where I’ve truly hated something or someone. I always try to see things from other people’s eye’s – to hate is to focus only on the things that please you. When ever I say ” I hate …..,” I stop and think about all the good things of the thing or person I ‘Hate’. Exp. Going to bed early isn’t always fun – but when I think about how I feel in the morning after I slept those extra hours, and how I don’t have rush around, slow down and enjoy the world around me. I can’t really hate it then, not when I find so many good things.

So anyways- I’m on break right now, yay for T-giving! :D

…My hair that is.

My Hair is red, I love it that way. I’ve dyed it before – but always red or red- like. Why? Becuase I wish I was a red headed. But I also love my born brown hair -it’s pretty and fun.

But so is being red. :D

Plus – I’ve been so blue lately – I just add red and then I’m purple. Everything’s better in purple.
Not making sense? No me I do, and this is not for you, so who but you cares?

Not me.

I like being braty- but only at home or by myself. Cuz I’m real with people who love and care for me, and don’t care about smiles, hair, or anything – as long as I’m real. No pressing me to BE cuz I AM.

At school, I’m different, smarter cuz I care too much. No about what people I don’t care about think about me – it’s my friends who love me and look after me I put that fake smile on for. Because then, well then they worry. I don’t like that – I feel the walls closing in when they worry about me- so I make them not. I smile and say I’m fine, when I’m crying my eyes out when I’m alone or with my boy. Why for my boy? Bucause he’s just that, MY boy, just like I’m HIS girl. Why would I hide from someone who’s a part of my every breath? Yes, I love him – no, you stop right where your thoughts are- don’t think cuz’s of the other people in the world, and all the things everyone else does, that I, myself, can’t love. I love in many different ways, so loving him is like breathing, and thus becomes my breath. What happens if the love stops? Then my breath shortens – for a little while, intill I can fill my lungs with love – of another or myself- and take full breaths again. But, as for now, I’m breathing in fresh air, clean and crisp like a fall day.

Yes, I think I did go on for a bit there. Oh well…:D

I’m not done thinking – just my head getting too emptied and ready for sleep.

This will be my last entry- maybe forever.
I'm using a new journal - word press.
Why?
Because- this journal holds many things I don't want to read again. It doesn't show who I am anymore. It shows an younger me, someone that I can't see that much anymore.
If you read all my journal's- thanks I guess. You've followed a part of my life, again, sometimes I wish I could put a scrapbook with all my journals, facebookness, and aim ness.
But - maybe it's up to the people who want to know me after I'm dead and gone- to find out who i really am.
So- bye, maybe

It's a year today that I started this journal.
I'm not the girl that couldn't believe that I was starting this journey. Well, here I am, going gback in for round two. Bring home this summer was great, but it made me long for a normal high school life. When where I could hang with my friends after school, be in SAVAD, dance, fence, go to Weddings, be in Master works, everything I can't do, can't be at school.
But, who would I be then?
I've changed, so much in such a short time. I'm growing up where I thought I would be a child forever. I love my child side, so I'm trying trying to her her the best I can.
So, I'll love the fact that I play goalie on my soccer team, I'm a leader in SoD, I know people all over the world now, some being my being my best friends, I have the best grades in my life, I've found love, and loss it, and now found a different love and keeping it for our 5th month yesterday, and everything I can't do, be at home.
It's what I've become.
A year ago today a girl started a journal, having no idea of all the things that would become of her and her life.
Today, a girl that is slowly becoming less of a child, writes in a journal that has held many different feeling over a short time, ready for the next challenge that she will find waiting for her in her next year of high school.
hoby - ho! :D

I'm finally editing all my old stuff.
Yay!

Ti, my laptop of three years, is in a coma. She still works, I just can't get past the "disk read err." It is fixable (I hope) but, Ti has been slowly dieing sense May when the power cord gave out on me, again. So, while I was in DE we stopped by the Apple store for my sister to have her laptop looked at, and my dad bought me a new PowerBook Pro Mac laptop. We then spend three hours getting everything I needed on it, plus the guy showing me how to work it. I am really used to the PC look, and how it works. So getting a Mac was...hardish, I'm still getting used to working it, and Keo said she'll help me.
Any ways, My Mac's name is Gin. And the bag that I carry Gin around in name is, you guess it, tonic. I have no idea way I named them after drinks. I just liked the name Gin and thought tonic goes well. Also, I now have a itouch. I need a name for it though, I'll think of one later.

I have so much to do, I really, really need to pack. And clean my room. Both of them.
Oh well, at least Vacation was really good. My came with us to the beach, she hasn't done that in five years. Oh, I have contacts now, and I cut my hair 10 inches for locks of love. Can't wait intill I get to school, I really do look like a different person.
Ok, getting lazy now.

Why do people look at them-selfs and feel fat? Even when there not?
How can people stop eating, because they want that 5 pounds to go away on they're body's
How can people force them-selfs to throw up, just so they look thinner?
How can a girl look at her body, and call it names when it does so much for her?
How can we let all this happen?

I know everyone looks at them-self's and feel bad sometimes. I know, I hated how I looks, how I dress, how I was, when I was in 6/7 grade. I gain 30 pounds in 4 months when I entered 7th grade, not a good feeling, but, you know what? I needed gain all that weight because I grow so damn much! Things even out though out your life, so why do people try so hard, when they're so young, to be 'thinner' 'prettier' 'better' when is just makes them un-heathy, not eat, cut, worry about what people think, and so many other things?

I just don't get it.

Please, if you love your body, don't do these kinds of things to it! It's taken awhile, but, I'm not the 7th grader who hated how she looked. Now, I just love that my body can run, climb, dance, turn, stretch, so many things. I don't try to be skinny, I try and be healthy, which isn't easy ether.
Oh well, I love my body, even if the media try to say other wise, I think it's just fine with it's thin and thick parts. Just as long as I can think and dance my own weird way. :D